Wednesday, August 31, 2005

job applications...blah...

i just went and filled out another job application. i feel like that's all i've been doing lately. i thought it would take me about 3o minutes to go out there, fill it out and get back home. nope. an hour and a half later, i got in my car to drive home. i had to fill out an application, take a personality test, then i had to take this aptitude test. i was fine until i got to this math chart i didn't understand. now, being a college graduate and having a degree, you'd think i would be able to make sense of it. nope. i hate's definitely my downfall. all i know is that i need to find a job fast so i can start saving some money for the move.

i found out that my old job is having a job fair. it wouldn't be that horrible to go back...but i'd have to drive and gas is sooo expensive. plus i'd have to go back through the training program...which is two months. by that time, it's time to quit again. i'm not so sure it'd be worth it. i know holiday help stuff will be coming out soon. i just wish something would i'm impatient.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005


so i was writing this great post (okay, so maybe it was great), but my brother used my computer to burn a cd and apparently he closed out the window before i had time to finish it. so...because i'm lazy, i refuse to rewrite it.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

sometimes i wish the shake of a magic 8 ball could really predict the future.

i get really frustrated sometimes with the fact that i don't have it all figured out. then i look around and it seems like i know so many people in the same situation. i know that i'm not the only one...but it doesn't make it any easier. i just got done talking to a guy i worked with last summer. we can understand each other and where we are in life without so many words. i know how hard it is for him to be living back in his parent's house. i know how hard it is to not have friends. i know how hard it is to be looking for a job. i know how hard it is to feel so unsettled, never knowing what's next. i know...because i'm living it. i've been living it for the past year. it's not an easy place, it's not a place i like, and to be honest, it's not a place i ever care to be. but it's where i am.

i had a job interview the other day and the guy interviewing me asked me a lot of questions that really made me think. i think that i really caught him off guard with some of my answers. he probably thought i was a nut case, but that's beside the point. he asked me, "what is the most important thing to you in life right now?"

i thought for a second and i replied, "to be content with where i am in my life right now."

he looked at me with a somewhat confused look and cocked his head to one side, like i was crazy. so i elaborated a little, "i guess to just be happy. it's really hard for me to be back here in this town...and i guess i just want to be at a point where i'm happy about it and that i take this time for what it's worth."

i guess that met his approval, even though he still looked a little confused. he gave me the head nod and went on to the next question. "god forbid, but if you were to die today, what would you want people to say about you at your funeral."

wow, at this point the questions were thowing me off a little. so i thought for a second and i said "i'd want people to say that i was genuine and real in everything i did. that i was never fake, but that when people saw me, they saw my heart."

it's amazing what you say in the heat of the moment, when the pressure's on, when there's a time limit, when someone's there to judge your answers. i really didn't think about it til i was on my way home thinking about the whole thing. but i feel like the answers to those questions don't necessarily match up. i feel like sometimes i am fake...especially here. i feel like i'm not genuine and people don't see my heart...because i don't let them. i have no attachments to anything here except my family. nothing holding me back, nothing tying me down. but i also don't have any involvement...nothing i love...nothing i'm passionate about. i guess thinking about all this, we all strive for things in our lives we don't necessarily see in ourselves.

i know what i'm thinking and it's so abstract it's hard to put into actual words. but i feel like i'm still learning so much about myself and who i am. i'm still growing spiritually, and i'm still learning and have so much to learn. i'm still looking for a job...and i'm searching for a place where i "fit." i'm searching to be settled. but will i ever reach that point? don't we as humans always strive for more? do we ever reach a place of contenment? i know that i'd never wish that spiritually. if i was at a place of contenment, it means that i'd be satisfied with where i was. it means that i wouldn't have a desire to grow, to learn. so is it right to wish that i would find contenment in life?

life is confusing. i wish that i had the answers. i wish that people could bring their problems to me and i could solve them. heck, i wish i could take my problems to someone else and let them solve mine. but it's not that easy. so i guess instead of shaking my magic 8 ball, i'm just going to keep trudging down the path.

point tally

the point tally is...
amy: 6000
robyn: 5000
stephen: 4000

emily: 2000
andrea: 1000
crystal: 1000
alyssa: 1000

the correct answers and who the points went to...
1. batman begins - emily
2. beauty and the beast - crystal
3. can't buy me love - robyn
4. miss congeniality - emily
5. hitch - robyn
6. rain man - stephen
7. raising arizona - amy
8. tommy boy - stephen
9. pretty in pink - amy
10. jersey girl - amy
11. father of the bride - robyn
12. serendipity - stephen
13. clueless - andrea
14. labyrinth - alyssa
15. look who's talking - amy
16. ghostbusters - robyn
17. untamed heart - amy
18. indiana jones and the temple of doom - stephen
19. who framed roger rabbit? - amy
20. groundhog day - robyn

thanks for playing. hope you had fun. there will be more to come, so check back regularly for more excitement! :)

Friday, August 26, 2005

your time is almost up... the movie quote game will end tomorrow at 5pm. there are still some blue quotes up for grabs. you guys know these! if no one has guessed them by the end, the points automatically go to me! here's a little hint...all of the ones that are left are old school 80's movies except for 10, 17, and 20. answers will be revealed tomorrow.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

it's about time guys!

congratulations to jeremy and stuart on finally joining the blogging world.
robyn, your guesses on 16 and 17 were wrong.

emily, your guess on 16 is wrong.

chad, your guess on 9 is wrong.

crystal, your guess on 2 is wrong...good try though.

andrea, your guesses on 9, 10, and 15 are wrong.

robyn, you got 16 and 20 right!

alyssa, you got 14 right!

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

movie quotes up for grabs...

1.) everyone can play.
2.) everyone starts with 0 pts because when i switched comment servers i lost all previous points. sorry.
3.) each correct answer is worth 1000 pts.
4.) points will be awarded and posted by the person who has the correct answer first. if no one gets the quote correctly, the points automatically go to me.
5.) no cheating!

have fun!

ready, set, GO!

1. "It's not who I am underneath, but what I do that defines me."

2. "I want to do something for her... but what?"
"Oh, there's the usual things; flowers, chocolates, promises you don't intend to keep."

3. "I need to talk to you. Every time I call you're either taking a bath, washing your hair or you're out of the country. That was a good one, by the way."

4. "I'm sorry, what was the question? I was distracted by the half-masticated cow rolling around in your wide-open trap."

5. "Basic Principles. No matter what, no matter when, no matter who... any man has a chance to sweep any woman off her feet; he just needs the right broom."

6. "What difference does it make where you buy underwear? What difference does it make? Underwear is underwear! It's underwear wherever you buy it! in Cincinnatti or wherever!"

7. "You want to find an outlaw, hire an outlaw. You want to find a Dunkin' Donuts, call a cop."

8. "Your dad could sell a ketchup Popsicle to a woman in white gloves."

9. "You said you couldn't be with someone who didn't believe in you. Well I believed in you. I just didn't believe in me. I love you. always."

10. "You try getting ready quickly when you look like this! I'm so fat and there's gonna be nothing but beautiful skinny girls there!"
"That's because they're all coked-out whores, honey."
"I wanna be a coked-out whore!"

11. "I'll tell you what I'm doing. I want to buy eight hot dogs and eight hot dog buns to go with them. But no one sells eight hot dog buns. They only sell twelve hot dog buns. So I end up paying for four buns I don't need. So I am removing the superfluous buns."

12. "What if you're wrong? Huh? What if it's all in our hands and you just walk away? No names, no phone numbers, what do you think's gonna happen? Do you think good ol' fate is gonna deliver my information to your doorstep? "

13. "I would like to say this. Tardiness is not something you can do on your own. Many, many people contributed to my tardiness. I would like to thank my parents for never giving me a ride to school, the LA city bus driver who took a chance on an unknown kid and last but not least, the wonderful crew from McDonalds who spend hours making those egg McMuffins without which I'd never be tardy."

14. "And you wouldn't be so brave if you'd ever smelled the Bog of Eternal Stench."

15. "All right, I know what I'm looking for. I'm looking for a guy who's not married, not into drugs, not an alcoholic, not a deadbeat, but not somebody that works twenty hours a day."
"And cute."
"Cute is not a consideration."

16. "Where do these stairs go?"
"They go up."

17. "He don't make sense, I don't make sense, together we make sense."

18. "Hey, ______, no time for love. We've got company."

19. "That's right! A laugh can be a very powerful thing. Why, sometimes in life, it's the only weapon we have."

20. "Have you ever had déjà-vu?"
"Didn't you just ask me that?"

"i'm going to have to go ahead and ask you to come in on sunday, too..."

over the past two weeks i've been doing a lot of thinking and a lot of life reflecting. my original plan to move to nashville came to a crashing halt when i couldn't find a roommate. nashville is too expensive for me to live alone. there's no way i would be able to afford it without starving for the first few months. so i decided that i'd go for my backup plan...louisville. then the night before i was going to look at apartments, i was laying in bed and i couldn't sleep. anyone who knows me knows that i don't usually have trouble when i do, something is usually going on. i just kept thinking about my possibilities and what i was going to do. and the more i thought about moving to louisville, the more it felt really wrong. i didn't really want to live there, i just didn't want to be here. so i thought long and hard and prayed about staying here for now. and i think it seems like the most logical thing. so now i'm working toward a goal. i'm looking for a job here in the area. i'm going to work until christmas or the new year. then around that time, i'm going to move to nashville. hopefully i'll be fully prepared by then to make the move. it'll give me time to look for a job and get some stuff in line. so i'm pretty excited about it all. plus there's this great girl i know that might possibly be making a move to the nasvhille area, but i'm trying to not get too excited about the possibility because i don't want my heart to hurt too bad if it doesn't happen (but it would be amazing if it did!).

so with all this going on, i decided i need to start looking for a job. i don't want anything too crazy, and i don't want something i'd easily get attached to (i'm not planning on being there long). so yesterday i went to pick up an application for a job at a restaurant that's new in town. i figured it'd be a good place to start since it's a popular place and it just opened. i changed my mind about this after the hostess totally rolled her eyes and blew me off. then when the guy who i'm assuming was a manager, came out with the application, he just turned around and walked away. so i'm standing in the middle of the restraunt with the application in hand and i'm thinking to myself "are you kidding?" it was absolutely ridiculous. so i decided to go across the street to another restaurant. it's a place that's always crazy, and they have the best steaks. so i walk in, fill out an application, and i had an on the spot interview by one of the managers. i went back for an interview today with another manager. he told me that i'd know something by friday between 4 and 5pm. so hopefully soon, i'll be employed. i guess we'll have to wait and see how the story unfolds.

Monday, August 22, 2005


so there's lots of stuff that's been going on, but nothing i really care to blog i haven't.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

thoughts on tom and katie

LOS ANGELES: Hollywood superstar Tom Cruise's antics on the Oprah show in which he declared his love for Katie Holmes by jumping on the couch has now officially spawned a new term - "jumping on the couch". According to, the term has recently been added to Web site The definition of the term "jump on the couch" reads: "The defining moment when you know someone has gone off the deep end. Inspired by Tom Cruise's behaviour on Oprah. Sample usage: 'My new boyfriend Benny... jumped the couch and started rubbing spicy brown mustard on his body at my family reunion.'" Uh oh another good trademark again by Mr. Tom!

okay, so for years (i'm talking since high school) katie holmes has been my girl. i absolutely adored her. she always had the down to earth, girl next door personality that everyone around her seemed to love. i'd seen her on interviews, behind the scenes of dawson's creek, and on other tv shows and she always seemed so normal...someone i'd be friends with.

so i go away to camp this summer. and anyone who's ever worked in that environment knows that you pretty much lose contact with the outside world. so i really didn't have a lot of knowledge of what was going on, especially with hollywood gossip, my guilty pleasure (thanks to mom and robyn for sending trashy magazines so i could at least catch up a little). we'd be standing in line at the store, and i'd be reading magazines trying to find out what was going on...and it wasn't just me, there were definitely others as well (hey, at least it makes me feel more normal to know others do it too). so anyway, i knew the gist of what was going on with tom and katie, but i didn't really know the extent of some of it until i got home. i caught up on magazine reading, read some stuff online, read through some message boards, downloaded the infamous couch jumping incident, and a few other interviews that i'd missed.

so now that the couple has gone into hiding, i'm finally caught up. my take on the situation...
tom has hired my dear sweet, naive katie to be his stepford wife. weird!

just a few things that i find really weird and creepy about the whole thing...
*katie was missing for 16 days prior to her and cruise showing up as boyfriend and girlfriend
*she's cut communication with all her old friends from ohio, even her best friend who was with her all the time.
*she has a creepy "scientology mentor" who is supposedly her best friend now and she's with her constantly. she even cut in on katie's W interview and answered "she adores him." it's a pretty bizare read if you haven't read it.
*everything she says about tom seems so rehearsed...and very un-katie-like.
*the whole scientology thing is weird in itself. she's definitely expressing cult-like behavior. she was quoted as saying she hasn't slept in days...maybe the cult's way of hypnotism. hmmm...

so was she really dating tom cruise and he quickly took advantage of her naivete, was it a publicity stunt turned horribly wrong, did he kidnap her and brainwash her, is he paying her to cover up the fact that he's gay, or are they really sickingly in love?

i want to hear your takes on it...then i'll leave it alone...for a while at least. and while you think about how you're going to comment, take a look at this really funny video link i found...

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

sometimes, reality does bite

Lelaina Pierce: I was really going to be somebody by the time I was 23.
Troy Dyer: Honey, all you have to be by the time you're 23, is yourself.
Lelaina Pierce: I don't know who that is anymore.
Troy Dyer: I do. And we all love her. I love her. She breaks my heart again and again. But I love her.

i was watching reality bites last night. it was really a movie that depicted and defined a generation. but that generation has moved on...they've grown up. and now, here is another generation that seems to be in the midst of the same types of problems. how true parts of that movie are to my own life. i thought by this point in my life i'd be somewhere by now...i sure didn't imagine this. i thought there was something great, just waiting to happen the second i graduated college...then...reality hit. reality bites.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

"i don't know, what are you gonna do?"

i don't know about you, but i'm pretty excited about the dvd release of the complete series undeclared.

last year, robyn introduced me to the brilliance of freaks and geeks. i can't say that i've seen many tv series that were written to portray what the show was actually this case, high school (even as much as i love dawson's creek, it's not anywhere close to being an accurate portrayal of high school). the writing is amazing and the characters are realistic. they're not gorgeous, perfect, beautiful people, they're normal, real kids in real situations.

undeclared was created by judd apatow who was a writer for freaks and geeks. i've heard great things about this show. if they could do for college what freaks and geeks did for high school, i'm sold. so i'm pretty excited about the series coming out on dvd on excited in fact that i just preordered it for really cheap. i really hope it doesn't disappoint.

some of my favorite freaks and geeks quotes...

Lindsay: Millie, you're eating candy already? It's only 7:30 in the morning! Millie: It's just Lik'm'aid. It makes my spit taste like fruit juice!

Kim: You guys, I killed Millie's dog.
Ken: Like, with your bare hands?

Daniel: You guys know Lindsay?
Nick: Yeah, you were in my English class last year. You were the chick that got an A, right?
Lindsay: Yeah, well, what are you gonna do?
Ken: I don't know. What are you gonna do?

Nick: Wow, that dinner smells good. Let me guess... meat?

Neal: My mom says women prefer guys with a good sense of humor.
Bill: But, uh, you're not funny.
Neal: Screw you, I'm hilarious!

Ken: [about Tuba Girl] That's not playing an instrument! That's like blowing into a toilet!
Lindsay: Sounds better than your singing!
Ken: Lindsay, here's an idea - how 'bout you break up our band so you can go make out with Nick? Oh, wait, you already did that.

Sam: Uh, dad, can I have an Atari from my birthday?
Harold: An a-what-i?
Jean: That's one of those expensive video games, isn't it?
Sam: No, no! It's not expensive!
Harold: Oh, well, the welfare lines are full of those video game players.

Neal: The dance is tomorrow. She's a cheerleader, you've seen Star Wars 47 times. You do the math.

Friday, August 12, 2005

a change would do me good

i spent a couple days apt hunting and i came out with one fact. it's too freakin' expensive for me to live alone. if i seriously thought that i could afford it (and not just for a couple months, but for the term of the lease), i'd do it. everyone i've talked to seems to think that it's not really a big deal...but it least to me. a change has to be made...and it has to be made soon. i need a change of scenery, location...everything. the longer i'm here, not working, spending money paying bills, the less money i have in my bank account for when it is time to move. that's why it has to happen soon, or i'm afraid it won't happen. it's really complicated.

my friend, emily, is in somewhat a similar situation where she has to make some decisions. her lease is up for renewal, so she has to decide about staying or not, but she's also got some issues with her job. i thought us living together would be a great way for both of us to save money, but i understand that she can't make a decision today (no pressure, em! seriously!). i guess it's just a little frustrating because i'm so ready, but i can't make a decision alone...i have to have a roommate. i hate the fact that i can't do it alone. i really do. apparently God is still teaching me when it comes to the whole "patience" thing.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

after a long time dreaming...

it's finally happened! i am the proud owner of a 40gb ipod! i spent all summer talking about how badly i wanted one. i finally broke down yesterday and bought one. so i spent all day yesterday and today putting songs in it. still not anywhere close to being'll take years to fill up all the room on this bad boy! but i'm super excited!

Friday, August 05, 2005

where's my journal when i need it most?

okay, so i'm going to write...i'm just sitting here with some mellow music playing and i think i'm ready to reflect a little. writing to me is theraputic. i can't find my journal and it's making me crazy. i haven't unpacked all my stuff yet, but i've looked everywhere i thought it would be. when i go a long time without writing, i feel like there's all this stuff that's just built up that has nowhere to go. when my journal is left empty, my mind is usually full...once the pages hold words, i often feel like my burdens have been lifted. so i'm going to sit here and type and i guess we'll see what comes out.

one of the hardest things for me to process as camp was coming to a close was the thoughts of me coming back home. yes, i missed my family. i wanted to see their faces and hug their necks. but to think that i had to come back to the same things i left behind. i left for camp not having an idea of what would be next. for the past year of my life, i feel like i've been in this weird limbo between what was and what's to come. somewhere there's a purpose, but i'm definitely not seeing it. leaving that place behind me and going to camp with nothing holding me back was a great thing. i met some amazing people...i was able to invest and give my all and it was a great experience. but as the weeks started coming to a close and the end started to creep up on us all, my focus was on what lied ahead for me. where was i going? what was i suppose to be doing? the words that have haunted me since i walked the line during my college graduation in december of 2003 returned. i had to face the fact that i was entering into the exact same place i'd left behind. i'd be taking up residence in the basement of my mom's house, i'd be without a job, i had no idea what God had planned for the next part of my life. it's so hard to see that with all the steps i've made in the past year, i felt like i was taking a giant step back. and it hurts. it hurts me to not have a plan, to not know what's next. i'm really not okay with much as i act like i am.

all summer, the one word that would always come up when i would think of God was the word "faithful." my prayer all summer was that he just reveals himself to me and that he proves himself faithful to me. i know that everything will work out and i'll be just fine. but i just want to curl up into my savior's arms and have the faith i need and the patience to withstand everything that lies between now and the time that it actually happens. i'm tired of not knowing. i'm tired of being in this weird "in-between" phase. i'm tired of just being. i want to live my life for all it's worth and not have to worry about being stuck in a rut.


jared, tippit, melina, zack, jeremy, and me at appreciation dinner
creative movement
brian being crazy
brandi and hershey (her big gift from her secret santa)

the staff at parker house for staff appreciation dinner

brandi and emily playing with fire on july 4th
dian playing with sparklers on the 4th of july
melina and hershey and the fake dog
the jeep can go anywhere!
water hazard...whoops! who got wet?
me & beth try to craft the perfect gingerbread stable...complete with baby jesus
adrienne, currie & the pistashios
worship with the BWB
tealy busting out in song in the middle of his sermon
mike leading worship

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

this weird place

i got back from mississippi monday night. i came home to an empty house. i was greeted by my dog, maddie. she was pretty excited to see me. i was disappointed that no one was home, but it was nice to be able to walk through the house just looking. the walls had been painted, some furniture had been moved, but was the same.

it's always a hard transition coming home. for the first few days and sometimes even for a couple weeks, it's a weird time trying to figure out where you fit in the world you've just come back to battling with reflecting on memories and thoughts from the world that you've just come out of. it's hard. it's not something that others can fully understand. even those who have worked camp before can't fully grasp the things i experienced this summer. i'm working things out in my head...and on paper...and eventually some stuff will probably make it's way here. so bear with me as i work through some stuff.