Getting back on my feet

The last couple weeks have been pretty weird...and I haven't really felt like blogging. I don't really know what to write. So I thought I'd type out a prayer I journaled in the middle of the night after I found out my dad passed away.

August 16 3:30am
Lord, I'm terrified. I know that me, Nate, and Corey will be okay. I just need you to hold our hands through this. Please remind each of us how much you love us during this time. I know that Dad is proud of each one of us and I pray that we remember just how much he loved us. These next few days will not be easy. I just ask that you help us through them. Let each of us know that together we will get through it...
Remind me to laugh at the little things. Allow me to appreciate and savor the good times. Most of all, thank you for blessing me with an amazing father for 25 years. Someone who raised me in a Christian home and so many times taught me what it meant to live by faith. Not that he was perfect, but in my eyes, he was always pretty close...

And here's an excerpt from another entry on the day of the funeral.

August 18
Today was hard. I don't think you can ever fully prepare yourself to lose someone. I am so grateful that I am so loved. I'm glad that my brothers have friends that they can count on. I pray that we always remember that we have each other, and that we will be there for each other, no matter what happens.

There are some stories that I'd like to write about before I forget all the details, but I'm not up for it right now.

Trading Spaces...

Lately it seems like I've been wishing to trade rolls with pretty much anyone. Sometimes life isn't as bad as we make it out to be.

Earlier today, we got the call saying that we needed to get to the hospital as soon as we could because they weren't sure how much longer my dad was going to make it. I was terrified that my brothers and I weren't going to make it in time. I was scared that Corey, my youngest brother wasn't going to get to see him.

I was told by a pastor at the hospital today that I needed to tell my dad how much I love him and that I'm proud of him. I just pray that he really does know how much I love him and how glad I am to have him as a father. I've never had a bad relationship with him. They say that your human father often has a reflection of how you view your heavenly father. I praise the Lord that I had a good influence. Someone who was able to raise me in a positive light. Someone who could discipline out of love. Someone who always told me how proud he was of me. Someone who always told me and showed me that he loved me. I feel thankful because it's more than a lot of people get.

Emotional, me?

So, I guess no one can comment about me being unemotional. I've been nothing but an emotional rollercoaster lately. I think it's because I bottle my emotions up and just add to them until they spill over. The bottle definitely had it's fill today. One thing set the trigger and the fountain of tears wouldn't stop. I couldn't gain composure at all. I like to think most of the time I'm pretty strong, when in reality...lately, I've been so weak. I think maybe I just need a big hug!