Monday, September 19, 2005

letting go is never easy

this past week i've had a lot on my mind. i know it's hard to believe but i did have more going on in this head of mine besides anything revolving around cameron crowe.

camp staff placement for the summer of 2006 is right around the corner. september 26 is the last day to apply...and it's already too late to apply for any program staff positions. i really thought that i'd be done working camp after last summer and i count myself lucky that i had another amazing summer. once the buzz started at the end of camp this year, there were people telling me that they had recommended me for certain positions. it was very humbling and i felt gracious that they saw qualities in my personality and leadership that i'll never be able to see myself. it got me excited for another summer...something i hadn't prepared for. so the inevitable question came up. "amy, are you going to work next summer?" that time it was july. how in the world do you plan for your future 10 months in advance. that's been my question every year. and every year God has been faithful and he's shown me where he wants me.

this time around is a little different. after 4 summers of different camp experiences, i thought i was ready to branch out and try something new. i really wanted a program staff position and i thought i would do a good job. but over the course of the last few weeks, me working camp again isn't really a least not at this point.

i think my career as a summer staffer is over. the more the thoughts rolled around in my head, the more i tried to come up with a remedy. as much as it kills me to think that i'm probably done, i think it's probably for the best. at some point in my life i have to grow up. i absolutely love working camp. it's the one thing in my life that i know that i LOVE.

right now i'm just afraid that if i make a commitment this early to work, i would be too afraid to pull out if another opportunity came along. i can't let that hold me back from moving forward. i've made a commitment to move to nashville and i'm sticking with it. i'm just afraid that when i move i won't pursue certain things if i know that i'll be working camp again...and i need to move forward in a big way.

i feel like i've been holding back because i've had to live at home. part of my plan with moving to a new place is to get involved in the things that i love and miss. things i haven't been able to do here. so as hard as it is, i think it's time to let it go and be done with camp. for right now anyway. i'm not saying that things can't change, but that's what my heart has been telling me. i guess the hardest thing about letting it go is just the fact that i love it so much.


robyn said...

i know that you love camp... and i know that had to be a hard decision... but i have an idea that i think is a good one... i'll mention it over email rather than a comment...

Caroline said...

Amy, I completely understand. I didn't want to stop working camp either. I still miss it like crazy but God showed me another path. I'm sure HE will continue to led you as well. I'm praying for you in this extremely hard decision. Love you and miss you.