Tuesday, January 18, 2005

questions 1-8

i'm going to try to tackle some of the questions i posted last week. these are not easy questions, so bear with me. i'm going to be real and open and honest and raw. it might not be pretty, but it's going to be me, my heart. i'd love to hear some of the answers you come up with.

1. If I had to wear my philosophy of life as a motto on a t-shirt, what would it be?

i am who i am.

2. When was the last time I felt Joy? Not just pleasure, joy. Was it provoked by a someone, a something, a somewhere? That soaring feeling still lives inside of me. What can I do to wake it up?

i think often times we get a bit of a rush or excitement and we confuse it with joy. it seems like it's been a while since i've experienced pure joy. i know that it's something i should be experiencing daily with my relationship through christ, but i do know i haven't been experiencing joy in my trials at all. it's something that i'm working on, but it's a tough road to pave, but i'm working on it. i'm trying to find that "soaring feeling" again by not just diving into the Word everyday, but by resting in the fact that i know God is taking care of it and in his timing it will all work out. i'm working on listening more to what he's saying and not just trying to figure it out on my own.

3. Is there anything unfinished in my life that I am willing to walk away from? If I haven't thus far learned French, gotten a dog, started my own business, maybe it's time to make room for new dreams. Hit Delete. See what happens.

i have an unfinished resume reel that i've been planning on finishing for over a year now. i'd say that i should probably commit to finishing it rather than hitting delete.

4. Am I inhibited by a fear of failing? Just for a moment, pretend that failure is a triumph, not a shame. Now, what would I reach for, what would I risk?

i will admit that i'm a little intimidated by what my future holds for me. at this point i feel so upside down that i have no clue what that is and it is a little scary. i'd like to think that i'd be a lot more willing to stick my neck out a little farther, take much larger steps, hops and even leaps of faith.

5. If I were able to take my 10 year old self to lunch, what would he/she think of me? Do I still have his/her passions.... opinions.....willfulness? Do I still know what he/she knows?

i'm imagining a goofy 10 year old asking a million questions a minute. all questions that my 23 year old self can't answer. i would hope to think that my 10 year old self would love me and think that i'm cool. it seems that i'm pretty good with kids, so i don't think that's too far stretched. i don't remember my passions from when i was 10. i think i wanted to be a vetrenarian, so i think that my passions have definitley changed. i'd love to be able to go back in time and see what i was like at certain ages...what i loved, how i interacted with people, what i did in certain situations.

6. Do I believe in God? What exactly is my position on the Big Questions? Do I have spiritual beliefs that are truly my own, not someone else's?

YES i believe in God that created the heavens and the earth. i believe in his son, Jesus who was sent to earth to save my sins. i have these beliefs because i know that they are true. it's not something that has been forced on me or thrown at me, but something that i've searched on my own to form my own spiritual path.

7. Have I made a home for myself? Or am I still waiting for my Real Life to begin? I already know I don't have to be married or mortgaged or otherwise permanently committed to nest. So what's keeping me from saying this is my Real Life right now?

let's be honest. no, i have not made a home for myself. i am still waiting for my "real life to begin." although i have no idea what constitutes a "real life," it seems like i'm holding myself back. every day i think i become more aware that where i am right now is my home. whether it's permanant or temporary, it's where i am and for me, it somehow needs to at least feel like home. i know that i don't have to be married or have a house to have fulfillment. so i have no idea what on earth is keeping me waiting for something else to begin.

8. If I could take a 6 month sabbatical from my current job, what would I do? Travel around the world? Perform good deeds? Put my bottom in a chair and my nose in a book? If I don't know the answer, how can I begin to figure out what my dream is?

i think i've been on a 6 month sabbatical. i've done some traveling and i've read some great books. i've done some soul searching and i've learned a ton. later in my life if i need a break from my job to take a sabbatical, i'd love to do something great with my time. travel to a foreign country, take a mission trip, write a book, read, spend time with family and old friends. i'd like to think that at the end of the 6 months my life is better because of the way i spent my time.

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