Sunday, December 19, 2004

jealousy, pond scum, and other nasty things

it's really easy for me to look at other people's lives and wonder why things work out for them. i love hearing about how my friends lives are being blessed with wonderful things happening to them. new jobs, engagements, promotions, new living situations, money situations that seem to disappear, new opportunities...but in the midst of listening to them tell me about how God has blessed them, this little monster comes out and thoughts invade my mind. "why can't something good happen to me?" or "i've been waiting for a long time...i deserve to have something amazing happen to me!" i know it's satan's way of trying to convince me that i should be constantly comparing myself to others so that when something good happens to me, i'm praising myself instead of my wonderful savior.

why do i have a tendency to do this? why are we always constantly comparing ourselves to others? why are humans so easy to fall into the trap of jealousy with even the people who are closest to us? my best guess is that we're undeserving, we're fallible, we're full of sin.

it makes me think of the following movie quotes...for 500 pts.

"i'm pond scum. well, lower actually. i'm like the fungus that feeds on pond scum."
"lower...the pus that infects the mucus that cruds up the fungus that feeds on the pond scum."

yesterday afternoon i was talking with a good friend on the phone. she's been having all these incredible things happen to her recently and i was so excited to hear about them. then the thoughts started creeping in. slowly, but they were there. "why can't it be me?" i've heard this a million times, and frankly i'm getting tired of hearing it, but it seems everyone wants to offer the advice "hang in there, something great will come along soon. just be patient." it's not worth my time explaining that i've been waiting. did i mention that i've been waiting? for a year! yes...yesterday was december graduation, which means i graduated a year ago. and i still don't even have an inkling of what i'm doing. it's so easy to get frustrated and it seems like the longer i wait, the more frustrated i get.

i know, i know..."oh ye of little faith." i think that sums it all up. so i understand that God is teaching me about patience. i've always thought for the most part i've been pretty patient. but i'm not sure i've ever had to wait this long for anything. a year is nothing in the span of God's timing.

so i'm trying to be patient, look at the positives, and count my blessings. it is the christmas season! so what better thing to do. so, for the sake of counting blessings, here's my tops from the weekend:

1. mom got to alaska safely. late, but safe.
2. i have a family who i love, even when i don't like
3. i got to hang out with dad and make christmas candy
4. i hung out with brooke for the first time in a week.
5. i got to see an old friend for a few minutes
6. it seems like i'll be editing the rich project afterall
7. some new possibilities may have developed with the job search
8. i have an interview on tues.

why only 8? because 8 is great!

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