so, the wireless internet thing seems like a great idea, and i'm sure it would be if it actually worked. right now i am sitting at a picnic table outside of the parking lot where the staff lives because it's the only place i can get service. hopefully it will be back up at the beginning of the week. so, let me just say a little about the whole track leader experience...first off, let me just say that God works in HUGE ways. seriously, i have no idea how i made it through the week i had. i can't go into specific details, but i'll share a little bit. i had a camper from my track group get sent home (he was also a member of the church i was hosting). my heart was truly broken for him and his youth leaders. i felt so helpless, because there was absolutely nothing that i could do to help besides pray. it made me realize how huge God is and how he had everything under control and it's ultimitely all about him anyway. 2nd situation, i had a girl crazy guy in my group who wouldn't leave my girls alone and i had to pretty much baby sit him all week long. i had to watch my girls backs constantly to make sure he wasn't harassing them. let's just say that he definitely came to camp for a hook up. and the third story of the week...drum roll please. i had 3 girls disappear into the ghetto. they went with a kid from my site to pick up his younger brother, but they didnt ask, they just went. needless to say they weren't allowed to leave and on top of that they were missing for 40 minutes. turns out they walked to pizza hut to order pizza. don't ask. let's just say they had major attitudes and i wasn't about to take their crap. so that's the exteremly condensed watered down version of my first week of camp. crazy times. i'm sure if you ask me, i have other stories as well. also, this week my dad went for his radiation conference. he's going to start electronic beam radiation on monday. it will be an 11 week treatment and it will be 4 days a week. fairly intense stuff. he will loose his hair on his head, arms, and legs and it probably won't ever grow back. the other side effects aren't quite as specific. the doctors say that he'll be able to drive himself to and from louisville which i know is a huge blessing in his life because he hates depending on people for stuff like that because he's so stubborn. it's just exteremly hard for me right now knowing that my dad is about to enter into this life threatning treatment and there's not anything i can do for him besides pray. i'm definitely not trying to undermine prayer at all, because it is exteremly significan't. i guess what i'm trying to say is that it's hard to say "okay God, it's whatever your will is." i have a hard time laying things like that at the Lord's feet. somehow i think i can solve these problems myself, although i have no idea why because lately i haven't been able to do anything on my own (which is a wonderful thing to rely on my savior for every need i have). but it's just hard when it's something so near to my heart...my dad. i think that recently it's been even more difficult because of people in my life who have actually died of cancer. there is a guy on my team, jarred, who lost his mother not even a month before camp started. to see how God had worked in his life is amazing, but it's really hard to think that it could so easily be me. another thing that bothers me is the fact that my mom and brothers are leaving to go to alaska for a month. that means that for 4 weeks they will be gone as well. i worry that my dad will be lonely. i worry that he won't rely on others to help him out such as his brother and sister. i know that there is nothing i can do from here except encourage him and pray for him and that's what i plan to do. just please keep him in your prayers. please keep me in your prayers because i realize how weak i am. i realize that i am nothing. i'm humbled every single day. i am really learning what it's like to be humbled and it's a hard place to be right now. it's a difficult place to be and if you know me, you understand how that's not a huge part of my character, but it's what i'm being taught right now. james 4:10 says "humble yourself before the lord and he will lift you up."
it's almost 12:30 and i'm still sitting at this picnic table and very shady cars keep driving by making me feel a bit uncomfortable, so i'm going to make my way inside.
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