pics!

here's some pictures to enjoy. the first one is from 4th st. live. the others are pictures of the last week of camp. and then there's one of me and brooke from when we went to louisville a few weeks ago. just some that made me smile and some that made me laugh a lot...especially the ones of teasia and katie.

a picture i took from 4th st. live

teasia making a scary face. what a crazy kid she is.

katie trying to cut nicki's birthday cake. it just makes me laugh a whole lot.

me and jeremy onstage the last week of camp.

katie and jared the last week of camp onstage before we met our track groups.

me and brooke from a couple weeks ago at lunch.

going back home

whoever said going back home and reliving old memories definitely didn't live where i'm from. the longer i'm away, the harder it is to come home. i definitely don't feel much sense of nostalgia around this town. yes, i have plenty of great memories from growing up here. but there is no way to go back in time and relive them. they're stuck in the past...memories in your brain. just there to think about and remember...like pictures stuck on the pages of your brain...just there to look at and admire. sometimes, even as much as you want to, you can't climb into the page and into the picture like they do in cartoons. you can't rewind your life and relive even a day or a moment. bringing up the past and being able to remember single important moments out of our lives is so cool. wow. memory. what a neat thing God created for us to learn and store so many vivid pictures in our brain.
Great memories that i have and often think about...

when i was younger: the house i lived in growing up. blue carpet. sandy, my old dog (the greatest dog in the world). going to the store and picking out sheba,my cat. going to the movies with my cousin ben, and my aunt karen. the store my family owned. the day my brother, nathan, was born (and i took him to show and tell when i was in kindergarten). the day my brother, corey, was born. playing softball for the first time. my childhood friends...chris and stephanie who lived next door...we'd play all day long. atari and all the amazing games that came with it, especially pac-man and pitfall.

middle school: the most awkward years of my life. big hair, braces, and glasses...need i say more? richard, the gross boy who ruined valentines day forever for me. going to my first real dance and being nervous about it. cheerleading captian (yes...this is true). being in a class with 16 people. meeting muriel, one of my best friends from 7-high school. having the biggest crushes on john and jeff. getting caught passing notes and having them xeroxed and sent home for my mom to sign for the principal. getting in trouble for spilling a cup of mrs. arnold's coffee into her tote bag that had all the 8th grade term papers in it. whoopsies. getting really bad grades in conduct because i talked too much, but my actual grades were good (this didn't make mom happy). voted 8th grade "most talkative" and "most school spirit." 8th grade class trip to chicago.

high school: marching band, band camp, overnight trips, colorguard. bands of america grand national champions 1997. state champs AAA 1995, 96, 98. colorguard captain. jonathan. driving around town. going with jonathan, davis and miranda to the haunted house. hanging out with lesly, jonathan, jon, mark, and marion. late night swimming in lesly's pool. the grand am...my first car. first kiss. watching movies with jonathan, jon and becca. being in the play juvie. broadcasting class (where my passion first began). leilani. prom. graduation.

college and now: starting at ecc and hating every minute. meeting and hanging out with ryan, against brooke's warning. brooke and i meeting lee and shaun and going ice skating. campbellsville and the strip. lots of parties that are not good memories. moving in to mccormack with brooke. visiting john and jeff in the dorms. going to the cookout at the bsu that rekindled my love and passion for christ. hanging out with ben...late night movies and pizza. laughing with friends, especially friends i met while i was an RA at mccormack. staying up late, ordering pizza and watching movies with jill, julie, rachel, angela, ashley and ashley and my other "girls." late nights going to poland to hang out with crystal, maryem, emily, brooke h., amanda, and jenny...making random videos, taking surveys and laughing til we cried. making phone calls to brandon (that whole situation eventually let to marriage). moving in with jill and sara into 507 WP with julie as our live in 5th roomie. skipping lots of classes. staying up late with julie trying to find old videos on ebay. falling down the bleachers at big red's roar and tearing my miniscus...being taken to the hospital while bsuers i didn't know thew a party at my house. late night talks with ashley hanging out in my room. taking julie to the hospital because sara stabbed her in the air with tweezers. dawson's creek night. moving in the house with ashley. working at polo, hating every minute...but meeting some of the most awesome people ever..shea, andrea, stephanie. working camp...all 3 years.

yeah, so those are just some of the memories i have...there's lots more shoved in the crevices of my brian. i guess i've just been thinking a lot about the way things used to be. things change and i'm so glad. because being here this weekend...for the festival is not the greatest thing for me. going when i was a kid was the greatest thing ever. i'd get up early and watch the parade with my parents, then go home, grab some lunch and head out to the park. we'd find a nice spot to set up camp for the day, usually by the birdhouse and the barn. then i was free to roam the park. i'd meet up with my friends and we'd ride the trolley searching for other people we knew...when we were older, we'd search for boys. cute ones. then we'd head back to the picnic area and watch some of the balloon race...and when that got boring, we'd walk around and go to the booths...or just walk the length of the park. then once it got dark came the best part...fireworks. yes...i love them soooo much!
it's been 5 years since i've been. i got up early and went to the parade. so much fun to watch the local marching bands and see the floats and people. not so much fun running into people i haven't seen in years wondering what i've been up to. i left the parade early to take my dad home. i didn't think he'd be up for staying for the whole thing..and i was right. later, my mom and i went out to the park. they've changed a lot since the last time i was there...which was 5 years ago. things were so different and it seemed so much smaller. i'm not sure if it was my imagination or if it really was. i have a tendency to remember things being monumental when i was little, but they really weren't that great to begin with. the last time i was there was when i met up with brooke. it was right after graduaion. we'd both just started ecc and we've pretty much been inseperable every since then. crazy times. this is an incredibly long and ridiculous post. probably the most random one i've ever written.

the bridesmaid dress

so this is the dress i'll be wearing in just a few short months to jill and ben's wedding on december 11th. well, not this exact dress, but one made especially for me. craziness.

YAY! IT'S A PARTY!

IT'S A PARTY BECAUSE THIS IS MY 100TH POST! WHOO HOO.

how exciting is that?? it's kind of like a birthday. i do expect presents. i guess this post isn't really going to be like that though. there's a lot of things i have going on in my head tonight and i guess i'm going to try to be a little vulnerable and see what comes out when i type.

dad's still in the hospital...going on 2 weeks now. they've been doing all kinds of tests. they found some bacteria in his blood and they called in an infectious disease doctor. but when they ran other tests looking for heart disease and such, they didn't find anything. his catscan came back okay. heart stuff came back okay. other random tests came back okay. yesterday he had a colonoscopy and they they found some pallops on his colon. actually, there were 12 of them and they were able to remove them without complications or actual surgery. as far as anything else goes...they're just not sure. today he was able to keep food down for the first time in 3 weeks. so that's a good thing. i feel like a horrible daughter because i haven't been up to see him as much as i want to, but it's so hard. i hate seeing him in so much pain. when i do go visit, i know that he's not really up for visitors, so i can't stay long anyway...but it's just so hard. i know that if i don't go, i end up regretting every day i don't go and spend time with him. i think about what i would want if i were him. i'd want people to come see me...so that i would know that i was loved. how do i make it up? it's not something that i can just take back. i hate the fact that i haven't been up to the hospital to see him every day. i hate that the doctors don't know. i hate that he's in so much pain and has been for so long. i hate it that he's not getting better. it's so hard to live with it. i've been trying to understand for years. but it's not something that humans can grasp. it's not something that we're even meant to understand. i don't know. i know that God has perfect timing for everything...but i can't stand to watch my dad suffer. it's the hardest thing i've ever had to do.

anyway...i didn't mean for this to be depressing. i guess right now i feel about as lonely as my dad does. i feel like the people here at home with me don't honestly care about me. they don't want to listen. they don't care about what i'm passionate about, relationship with God, fears, frustrations, goals, life dreams. i don't have anyone investing in me, loving me. i feel so trapped. i want out. i want friends...people who care about me. i want to be able to wrap my arms around someone's neck and hug them and know that i'm genuinely cared about. i don't think it's too much to ask for...but it doesn't seem like it's going to happen anytime soon.

oh no

i think i just admitted that i'm an "almost" kenny chesney fan. uh oh...i need to watch it. i'm starting to enjoy country music.

comments? anyone?

it makes me very sad to see lack of comments on my blog. i know that i've been whining lately, and i appologize for it. i'll go back to my random posts very soon. : ) leave me comments. they make me happy and it lets me know who is actually reading this crazy stuff that flows out of my brain.

hope

so a lot of crazy stuff has been going on. after talking with rich the night before last, he was seriously set on trying to help me out. so he called me yesterday and told me that he talked to a friend who works in this production company and he sent him my resume and the guy was going to look at it and see what he could do. so then he calls me a few hours later and asks me if i can set up a phone interview for the next day (today). i was very excited about even a possibility. so i talked to the guy today on the phone. he offered me a freelance job working on one of rich's projects. how cool is that?? so i'll get paid to get experience and work on a really cool project that's for an old friend. the guy was so cool. he told me that if the project turns out well, he can use it to pass on to others, or they might be able to hire me within the company. either way, it's a great deal. i'll get to hang out with rich some to get his vision and input. i can work from anywhere i want. i have a couple weeks to work on it, so i can make it as good as i want it to be. and i'll get paid to gain experience!!! and it's a project i think i'll love doing. it's so crazy how God worked so quickly with this whole situation. it just gives me a great sense of peace knowing that He hasn't forgotten about me...and he will provide for my every need. if i just give him time. : )

still waiting

so last night i was listening to an old song off of a cd that crystal made me while i was at camp in mobile. there's this song on it by ginny owens that i remembered speaking to me a lot around the time i got back from camp which was a very low period for me. so i took the cd out, found the song and listened to it. and it touched my heart and spoke to me in the exact same way i remembered.

How many days, Lord, have I walked in this wilderness?
A thirsty pilgrim with no water to drink.
And this barren place is making me crazy,
But as I wander on, I am forced to think.
Seems like I have spent so much time searchin'
In a dry and weary land where there's no Truth.
But I think I'm finally realizin',
That my only hope of water is the well that comes from You, So-
Chorus:
Rain down Your love upon me
Pour out Your mercy on me
Please won't You take me to Your springs of life
'Cause I'm dying for deliverance, only You can save me,
I'm waitin', won't You take me,
To Your springs of life.
Oh God, You are my God,
And my spirit seeks You,
But my flesh has failed You time and time again.
And now I've chosen this desert when Your love was waitin',
But Your stubborn child longs to understand-
So I'll not waste another minute searchin'
In a dry and weary land where there's not truth,
Oh, I think I'm finally realizin'
That my only hope of water is the well that comes from You.
-Ginny Owens/ Springs of Life

what an amazing song that fits so perfectly with the way that i feel at this exact point in my life. i try so hard to just wait and be patient. but there are so many times where i just cry out to God, "how much longer do i have to wait? how many days have i been waiting?" i'm at this dry place in my life and i want so badly to be resting at the side of the well.

dive on in

i was having this long talk with rich tonight. great times...such an encouragement. he's an old friend who used to work with me at the bagel shop. and it's so neat to see how God has worked in both of our lives over the past 5 or 6 years and how he's molded us into these people i could have never imagined us to be. he might possibly be able to help me find a job in nashvegas. so we'll see if God wants to use him and his contacts as a door for me to be where i'm suppose to be. he was so great. because before he even agreed to help me out, he wanted to listen to my heart about what i felt God was leading me to do. so many times, i think we are just willing to help people out without even realizing that they aren't seeking God in what they're trying to do with their life. so it was so neat to see that he genuinly cares about where it is God wants me and if it really is in nashville. how great it is to have a person like that on your side trying to help you out. he was saying that from what he gathered, God was getting ready to move big time. he was talking about experiences in his own life where he got restless and was preparing for something big and God totally came from left field to surprise him with something huge. we were talking about standing on a mountain top, right there, ready to dive in. just waiting for the opportunity and seizing it at the perfect time. it made me think of the theme video for camp. i am though...i'm ready. such an awesome visual image. so right now i'm still climbing to the top of my cliff...but i'm almost there and when i get to the top, i'm ready to DIVE on in.

where do they come up with this?

i just saw the most random and almost ridiculous thing that i've seen in a while. on the news, they were showing an interesting way to raise money for charity. in england, they got these people to dress up like elvis, the titanic, and shrek. then they tried to see who could "fly" the longest distance leaping off of a dock into the water below. apparently elvis is still alive and now he is flying. really weird. i wonder who would win between he-man, gem (truly outrageous), stevie wonder, or ariel (from the little mermaid).

i want motivation like that

michael phelps...pure inspiration. if i had his motivation and determination, i can't imagine where my life would be. i have no idea why, but i got into the olympic swimming competitions. i loved watching them. and no, it's not the half naked guys with really ripped bodies. i promise. guys, girls, any race, it didn't matter...if it was on, i was watching. but i was thinking about michael phelps tonight. if i had trained and worked so hard, and had competed and won race after race, would i be able to give up my spot for the last race? i really would like to think that it'd be an easy thing to do. but it wouldn't. i look at that act of amazing humility and think "WOW! i want to be like that." like it was no big thing for him. pure inspiration. i want to be like mike!

i <3 u 2 makes me mad

i really don't like it when someone says "i love you" and the person responds with "i love you too." not sure why, but it sounds more sincere if the second person just repeats it and says "i love you." i think part of it is because when a person says "i love you" there is always the expected proper response for the other person to say it back. by saying "i love you too" it seems like something is taken away from the real meaning. i usually just try to say "i love you." i dunno...just a thought.

bad attitude

i've decided that my attitude sucks. well, i guess there's not really anything to decide. but i'm sick of having a bad attitude. i guess i realized it tonight when i was walking with my mom. i just want to be content. at the beginning of camp, john told me that his main prayer for me was just for me to be content. i want to be content with my relationship with jesus. i want to be content with my family situation. i want to be content with my living arrangement. i want to be content with my lack of a job. i want to be content with my LIFE. everything about it. i just really want to be content. when i was talking with robyn a few minutes ago, we were talking about our lives being similar at this point because neither of us know what's really going on or what we're doing. and i said that it would be so cool to just switch lives for a week or two and figure things out for each other. at this point i think i could actually trust someone else to make decisions in my life to help out with the general direction of where my life should go. it would be a fun week to put new prespective on things. kind of like a freaky friday situation (i prefer the newest one with chad michael murray).
so anyway, i was on a friends blog and she has started this new thing...and i'm going to steal it from her and claim it as my own. before i worked camp in mobile, our director sent out this email that we were each suppose to respond to. in it, we were suppose to name 5 things that we were thankful for that day. so when i start to feel negative, i'm going to list the 5. so here it goes...
1. i got to talk to crystal on the phone this afternoon.
2. i finished filling out my application for camp for next summer.
3. i went for a walk.
4. i talked to robyn on the phone.
5. i watched paul hamm take the gold in the mens all around gymnastics.

movie quote time!

there's 2 different movies. both are worth 1000pts.
#1
"what are YOU doing in the closet?"

#2
"Do you think I'm weird?"
"Definitely."
"No, man, seriously. Am I weird?"
"Yeah, but so what? Everybody's weird."

post a comment if you know either of them!

stuck in the mud

i'm frustrated with looking for jobs. i'm frustrated with being here. i feel like i'm in this weird in-between world and i can't move forward or backward. i can't decide what i'm doing until i decide what to do and i can't do anything until i decide what i'm doing. i feel like no matter what i do, i can't win. i need a job because i need income, but i don't know if i just need to suck it up and live with my mom, and get a job here...or if i need to just move somewhere and try to get a job there. how do i even know. ugh!

as of today, i can add DVD burner to my list of fun toys i own. : ) thanks mom!

caedmon's call...good stuff

sometimes, i think that i think too much. i feel like lately, i've been analyzing things to the point where it's almost annoying. i have a million different options and i have absolutely no idea which way i'm suppose to go. the hardest thing for me right now is that i feel like i don't have anything that's mine. i long for something that is solely mine. something that belongs to me. i'm taking up residence in my mom's basement, which is definitely not mine. i don't have a church to call my own. i don't have a ministry to be involved in. i don't have a job to keep me busy. i don't have a guy to take care of me. i look at my life and i feel like i have nothing. i know that it's not true, but that's the way i feel. i just want something that belongs to me, that i'm proud to call my own. last night on my way back to etown, i had this crazy desire to listen to some old school caedmon's call. so i'm listening to long line of leavers and valleys fill first comes on. i've heard this song a million times, but i could really relate to it last night and i think that it fits this time in my life.

This is the valley that i'm walking through
And if feels like forever since I've been close to you
My friends up above me don't understand why i struggle like i do
My shadow's my only,only companion and at night he leaves too

Down in the valley, dying of thirst
Down in the valley, it seems that i'm at my worst
My consolation is that you baptize this earth
When I'm down in the valley, valleys fill first

Down in this wasteland I miss the mountaintop view
But it's here in this valley that i'm surrounded by you
Though I'm not here by my will it's where your view is the most clear
So I'll stay in this valley if it takes 40 years

And it's like that long Saturday your death and the rising day
When no one wrote a word, wondered is this the end
But you were down there in the well, saving those that fell
Bringing them to the mountain again

i love song lyrics. i love music that you can relate to. what a great way to minister to the soul...through music. it speaks right to my heart. anyway, last night i was talking to bethany and she said that i was just having a time in my life where i'm in my valley. how funny that i'd already listened to that song before she made that comment. i totally see it though. it's good that you realize where you are though? right? that way you don't lose yourself.

delighting in God's will

today was a very reflective day...i realized a whole lot about God's will. i've been reading a book that john fisher sent me for my birthday, the gospel for real life by jerry bridges. anyway, since i lost the book that i was reading (i think i left it in the motel), i started reading this book while i was taking my dad to his treatments. in it, there's a part that talks about delighting to do God's will.

"We could say that Jesus not only desired to do God's will, He also delighted in doing it. Once He even said 'My food...is to do the will of him who sent me' (John 4:34). If we think about it, we realize that obedience that is not delighted in is not perfect obedience. yet that was the quality of obedience Jesus rendered throughout His life, from birth to death. It is no wonder that at the beginning of His ministry and again toward the end of it, a voice came from heaven saying, 'This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased' (Matthew 3:17; 17:5). What, however, is the significance to us of His perfect obedience?"

really makes you think, huh?

movie trivia...

okay, movie trivia time. 100 pts. for anyone who can get it right.
"Dad, you're not gonna freak out like you did at the petting zoo are you?"
"hey, that snail was about to charge!"

have i told you lately that i love you?

i need to just take a second and appreciate some people who take a few extra seconds out of their day to make me feel special. i love it that when i logged on to instant messenger tonight and i clicked on shea's away message to see what witty comment she had up, it said "waiting for my amy thomas." it definitely brought a smile to my face. man, i miss that girl a ton!

next person to make my day, robyn. her phone calls with the funniest voicemails always make me laugh to myself. i love it that even though she moved clear across the country to washington we still are able to stay so close. i love it that we're not girly girls, but we have our moments and we can just be stupid together. i love it that we can play silly movie trivia games and she is one of the few friends i have that can actually appreciate it to the full length that i do.

i took brooke dinner tonight at work because she's broke and she was working til 11. she was so super excited that it made me smile just because she was so happy.

so there haven't been many happy, feel good, fuzzy moments since i've been at home. it's such a hard place for me to be right now...physically, spiritually, emotionally. in every way imaginable, it's just hard. it's hard to think from the time i turned 16 until may i was dependant on myself. so i only paid for half of my first car, but it was a piece of junk that spent more time in the shop than it did my driveway. i paid for all of my own insurance, and when i turned 18 and started college, i paid for all of that (okay, so i'll be paying that for a while). i moved out and got an apartment, then a house, and paid for all of that. i know that my parents would have helped me out if they could, but they weren't able to, but that's not even the point. the point is, it's so hard to be dependant on my mom again. i honestly don't know what to do. it's really great not having to pay rent and pay for food...but i'd rather be. then i ask myself, what is so hard about allowing someone to help you out? do i do the same thing to God? is that what i've been doing? he says "amy, let me help you out." and i say "no God, it's okay i think i'd rather handle this one on my own." i think i need to just humble myself and realize that it's okay. i can't do it on my own. he is there to help me. he's God! that's what he does.

i was reading robyn's blog earlier and she said that she just wanted a hug. i do too. i just want a hug. nice arms to wrap around me and just hold me tight. that's what i want.

crash bandicoot and dawson's creek

for those of you who know me well, what i'm about to post won't be any big surprise to you. but for those of you who don't, well, you might be a little shocked. but let me start by saying that i haven't hung out with any friends at all since i've been at home. i met brooke at arby's for lunch for about 30 minutes one day. other than that, no contact with anyone outside my family. seriously. it's about to drive me crazy. so i'm sure you're wondering how i entertain myself...well, you're about to find out. most of my time has consisted of watching dawson's creek season 3.

yeah, you heard it right. i know, i know...although some people might categorize it as trash, i say it's pure genius. amazing writers who know how to capture the pure essence of what it's like to be a teenager. how can that be garbage? anyway, i love it! another way i've been spending my huge amount of free time...playstation. yes, my brothers do have an Xbox. but i'm very much enjoying good ol' fashioned crash bandicoot. i'm on level 14 if you must know. and it has kept me mildly entertained. maybe next week i'll graduate to the Xbox.

picture pages!

i know that it took forever, but i just posted some pics to my blog. it's just a few of my favorite pictures of my site kids from the summer. as soon as tracy sends me my disc full of pictures, i'll be adding more, but for right now, i just need you to comment on how cute my kids are.

all the kids at the pool

the charleston farms kids, with ms. connie and bobby the kung fu guy.

POOL DAY!!

quan eating his snow cone at the carnival

me, martin, quan, and teasia

me and reynaldo on his last day

Martin after arts and crafts

DJ and Travis at the carnival

r-o-l-a-i-d-s

i just checked my email and i had one new message from brent. he was telling me that i didn't get the job. my first response...relief. should that be an automatic reaction when you just found out you didn't get a job. i listened to God and i just didn't have a peace about it. and all day long i wrestled with the whole idea of "what if i'm not really listening to God and what if i'm offered the job...does that mean i should take it or not?" it was a real eye opener as far as just trusting God to provide for me. i know that in due time he's going to reveal his plan for my life...piece by piece it will all come together to make the remarkable puzzle that will be my life. yeah, a little cheezy i know...but hey, i like cheese!

hmmm...what now?

so the job possibility that i thought was "the" possibility has quickly faded into an almost non-existent memory. i have no peace about this position at all...when i think about it my stomach quickly turns around and i feel like i just saw an ex-boyfriend i haven't seen in years. so i'm thinking that it's God's way of saying, "amy, keep being patient." although i don't like this idea, i'm trying. i really am. i am so ready for whatever is next in my life. i'm tired of waiting...i'm getting old. and to be honest, i'm impatient with being patient.

i've thought a whole lot about life the last couple of days as i've driven my dad to the hospital in louisville for his radiation treatments. he hasn't been feeling well enough to drive, so i've been playing taxi driver. i really don't mind. i don't mind driving with the radio down low, barely loud enough to hear. i don't mind that my dad mutters random things that have no relevance to anything. i don't mind the lull in conversation. i don't mind counting cars that are broken down on the side of the road (his idea of fun). i don't mind listening to the lite music station. i don't mind the fact that he even asked me to take him (although it definitely bruised his ego). i can't think of a better way to spend my day. it's not often that i get to spend time with my dad. and it breaks my heart to see him this vulnerable. when i first got home 3 days ago, my dad called and told me that he was feeling really sick and as much as he wanted to see me, he didn't want me to come over. so the next morning i called him to check on him and that's when he asked me to drive him. i went to meet him at his apt. he was standing outside waiting for me. he's thinner than when i left, but he has a large belly due to the medicine he's been on. his skin is more white and less red than it has been in a couple years and it's less flaky. and i almost broke down into tears when i saw his head. he has lost almost all of his hair and what was left, he had shaved. yes, he was balding, but he looks so much older, so different. it really scared me. i know how much pain he's in, even though he says he feels so much better. it scares me to death when he talks about how he's worthless, or not good for anything, or how he's just ready to give up. i joke about it and try to shrug it off...but it really kills me. i think today it hit me just how bad off he really might be. i know everyone always asks me, "how's your dad?" and i reply with "well, he's doing okay." he's doing better, but he's definitely not okay. he can barely walk. we parked right outside the hospital entrance and he barely made it inside. he was breathing heavy and could barely catch his breath. afterwards we went to krogers to pick him up some dinner...he had to ride in one of those little automatic carts, and even that wore him out. he has three treatments left. three. on monday he'll be done. then what? i'd love to know, but until then i suppose i'll keep being daddy's little girl.

camp's over...sad day

okay, so camp is over and i'm at my mom's house. it's not the most ideal place for me to be right now, but i know that God has a wonderful plan in store for me...and i'm confident in the fact that i am exactly where he wants me right now at this very point in my life. i just want to reflect a little on camp as i'm sure i will randomly thoughout the next couple weeks.
leaving camp was very "bittersweet." i had an amazing summer, i met some incredible people, and i had many wonderful experiences, but i am now ready for whatever the next chapter in my life brings. looking back i am definitely able to see growth. how much i've grown in my walk with christ over the past 4 years is so obvious. i received mail from brooke throughout the summer and i realized that her letters and the things going on in her life could have been me. 5 years ago we were almost the exact same person...now it's hard for me to even understand why she would want to do things i hear her talking about. but i ultimately know that it's because of my relationship with Christ. while she was off partying in florida, and juggling dates with 3 different guys, and working at a job she hates, i was in charleston teaching bible study, showing the love of Christ to kids who had never heard of Jesus, and trying to glorify God through everything i did. when i look at it like that, my heart breaks because she is so resistant to even hearing anything about God at all. i was very broken for her all summer long as we focused on the lost. and i can't help but praise God for my salvation and for who he has molded me to be.
the last night my staff was all together, matt came up to be and gave me a huge hug. he told me that he loved me and he was going to miss me and then he preceded to tell me that he appreciated my servant heart and humility and my passion for my kids and my students. i seriously almost lost it. it took me back to mobile, my first summer of camp, where i was young, spiritually immature, and i had no idea what i was doing. i watched people on my staff and how they served with such humility. i would visit them on site with my video camera and capture their passion for their kids and i would capture visuals of them serving our Lord...and i would think to myself..."i want that!" honestly, that is the whole reason i wanted to be a track leader. i wanted kids that i could invest in...i wanted to serve God in whatever way i could. so, two summers later there i was in a position to do just that. by matt telling me that he saw those characteristics in me i can look and see where my life was and where i am now and praise God for the way i have been growing over the past 2 years and through the 3 summers i've worked camp. it's something i never would have noticed or thought much about, but through other people, God reveals his mighty ways and how he works.