have i told you lately that i love you?

i need to just take a second and appreciate some people who take a few extra seconds out of their day to make me feel special. i love it that when i logged on to instant messenger tonight and i clicked on shea's away message to see what witty comment she had up, it said "waiting for my amy thomas." it definitely brought a smile to my face. man, i miss that girl a ton!

next person to make my day, robyn. her phone calls with the funniest voicemails always make me laugh to myself. i love it that even though she moved clear across the country to washington we still are able to stay so close. i love it that we're not girly girls, but we have our moments and we can just be stupid together. i love it that we can play silly movie trivia games and she is one of the few friends i have that can actually appreciate it to the full length that i do.

i took brooke dinner tonight at work because she's broke and she was working til 11. she was so super excited that it made me smile just because she was so happy.

so there haven't been many happy, feel good, fuzzy moments since i've been at home. it's such a hard place for me to be right now...physically, spiritually, emotionally. in every way imaginable, it's just hard. it's hard to think from the time i turned 16 until may i was dependant on myself. so i only paid for half of my first car, but it was a piece of junk that spent more time in the shop than it did my driveway. i paid for all of my own insurance, and when i turned 18 and started college, i paid for all of that (okay, so i'll be paying that for a while). i moved out and got an apartment, then a house, and paid for all of that. i know that my parents would have helped me out if they could, but they weren't able to, but that's not even the point. the point is, it's so hard to be dependant on my mom again. i honestly don't know what to do. it's really great not having to pay rent and pay for food...but i'd rather be. then i ask myself, what is so hard about allowing someone to help you out? do i do the same thing to God? is that what i've been doing? he says "amy, let me help you out." and i say "no God, it's okay i think i'd rather handle this one on my own." i think i need to just humble myself and realize that it's okay. i can't do it on my own. he is there to help me. he's God! that's what he does.

i was reading robyn's blog earlier and she said that she just wanted a hug. i do too. i just want a hug. nice arms to wrap around me and just hold me tight. that's what i want.