quotes for everyone!

okay...so i've never been very good at math. i hate adding. but for you, beautiful readers, i will do the math. guess the correct quotes and you can have 1000 pts for each correct answer. winner receives bragging rights. ready, set...GO!


1. "I used to think a wedding was a simple affair. Boy and girl meet, they fall in love, he buys a ring, she buys a dress, they say I do. I was wrong. That's getting married. A wedding is an entirely different proposition."

2. "Did they run out of butter or something? How could they run out of butter. I should have an assistant, because if I had an assistant, she would be out milking a COW and I would never run out of butter!"

3. "Up until now, one could write this off to coincidence. But then she reaches in her bag and pulls out a strawberry Pop-Tart - the very same breakfast pastry I was consuming at that moment!"

4. "Black works Mom. Jesus like had his funeral on Christmas."
"Jesus died on Easter, Barbie!"
"Jesus was resurrected on Easter, moron."

5. "I SO need lessons from you on how to be cool. Tell me the part about Kenny G again?"

6. "I understand that you are handicapped by a natural immaturity, and I forgive you."

7. "I'm gonna get out of the car and drop you like third period French."

8. "Sweetheart, you can't buy the necessities of life with cookies."

9. "You're not perfect sport, and let me save you the suspense, this girl you've met she's not perfect either. But the question is whether or not you're perfect for each other."

10. "This house is so full of people it makes me sick. When I grow up and get married, I'm living alone."

11. "I'm sorry, what was the question? I was distracted by the half-masticated cow rolling around in your wide-open trap."

12. "Why do you think people want to get married?"
"When you get old, you just have to."

13. "There's a difference between like and love. I mean I like my Skechers, but I love my Prada backpack."

14. "You look so good with blonde hair and black roots, it's like not even funny."

15. "We're goldfish people, we're antfarm people. We're not dog people."

16. "Have we an internal sequin issue to deal with, Benjamin?"

17. "Sometimes, the only way to catch and uncatchable woman is to offer her a wedding ring."

18. "Go ahead, make your jokes, Mr. Jokey... Joke-maker."

19. "Any second now he's gonna look at me and say, "You're so not worth this."

20. "We accept the reality of the world with which we are presented."