the depression is sinking in

the reason for no real entries lately is because i have absolutely no idea what to write. i think i've sent myself into this "mini-depression" and i have no idea what to do about it. i watch people around me be successful, find jobs, rent apartments, and have friends, but for some strange reason, i can't. or maybe i can, but i'm not trying hard enough. how hard do you have to try? i'm tired of everyone around me saying "hang in there!" how long do i have to hang? until my body literally falls off of my fingers and my bloody hands are left clutched to whatever it is that i'm "hanging" onto? today i didn't even want to get out of bed. actually, for the past week i've felt like that. why get out of bed? what's the point? i don't have anything to do. i feel like i don't have a purpose. i know that i do. my purpose is to glorify God. but i'm not doing that right now. if i can't glorify him by getting out of bed every morning, how am i ever glorify him with the bigger things? i'm so tired of waiting around, doing nothing productive with my waiting period. i've been waiting...and waiting...and waiting...and waiting. and now i'm tired of waiting. i'm tired of being here at home. home is the hardest place for me to be if i'm staying for more than 3 days. weekend visits are fine, anything longer than that usually drives me crazy. even at christmas time, i would only be home for a week or so at the longest. now...it's been over a month and i'm not sure how much more i can take!