i just spent the last hour and a half looking for jobs and apartments in the nashville area. i think i've just dug myself deeper into the hole of depression i was in. i have absolutely no idea at all what i'm suppose to be doing once august rolls around. it's really starting to bother me. i have ambition...i have goals...and like martin luther king jr, i have a dream. but yet...nothing. i have nothing to come home to when the summer is over. because all of a sudden alaska has been put back on the table. i went home for a short visit for mom's day and my dad's birthday. i was talking to my mom when all of a sudden, she dropped the bomb...roy got the promotion and now they have to make the ultimate choice of staying here or moving to ak. my decision would easily be to stay. i mean, nate's going to be a senior. corey's playing ball. but i understand my mom feels like her new family is torn apart. who would want to be away from her husband? but at the same time, i can't help but be a little selfish. me moving away is fine. them moving away is unacceptable. i know that i'm just being dumb. and i can admit that. but it makes me even more confused than i was before when it was just me and my decisions. how confusing this life can be. good thing i'm not in the driver's seat.