so i got an email today from brent about the position i have been wanting to apply for. they're still not 100% sure that the postion is will be open in august, but at this point "they are pursuing it as if it will be." so that means that i received an application. once i reviewed it and read over the description of the job and the responsibilities (which i think i am most capable of handling), i read back over the "preferred experience" section. this is not my favorite part of the application. i've never been a site director, so i'm lacking in that area, i've never written letters for grant proposals, so i'm lacking in that area, and i've never been responsible for setting up community ministry. although i think these tasks are something i can totally handle, without a shadow of a doubt. but the thing that gets me about looking for jobs is how are you suppose to ever gain experience if you have no experience. but in order to get experience, you must first already have experience? yeah, it's totally confusing. anyway, this job is something i know i would love, and i think i would be good at. there are so many things about this position that i think i could handle well...like the creative aspect. i think i'm a fairly creative person, i love brainstorming ideas and coming up with fun stuff to do, planning programs and such, which i do have experience from being an RA (i even won an award for one of my campus wide programs!). i have experience with inventory (thanks to martin!), answering phones and making calls (thanks to HRL), brianstorming and compiling ideas (thanks to God for wiring me that way), and leadership experience (thanks to the BSU). overall, i think that i am qualified and the parts that i don't have experience, i am certainly willing to give it my best shot. this postion has been something i've been praying about since oct. but at this point i still have no idea where God wants me in august. i totally trust Him enough to know that i will be where he wants me, but at the same time, it really is a scary time in my life. i hate feeling like i'm inbetween lives...no longer a student, but i'm not actually out in the job world yet. i mean, i know that i have a job right now, but i want something that challenges me, something a little more ambitious. the life i'm living right now is teaching me so much and i know that God is preparing me for what lies ahead, but it is such a relief to know that i don't have to do it much longer. it will be a huge relief when i go to camp. i'll feel so free and i'll have such a lighter load to carry. i was thinking about this as i was driving today and i kept thinking about what jeff preached on sunday...how we just have to have faith and trust God to do the things we can't do. it was soooo good and it hit home hard for me. in exodus, it talks about how moses and the people had to rely on God for everything...and in their trust, he provided for them. he provided them with manna, water, and he also provided for them by allowing them to cross the red sea. In exodus
19:5-6 it says "Now if you obey me fully and keep my covenant, then out of all nations you will be my treasured possession. although the whole earth is mine, you will be for me a kingdom of priests and a holy nation." God's desire is for us to be holy, to be his treasured possession. how awesome is that? anyway, the whole trust thing was my focal point for dealing with all the thoughts of inadequacy i have been having today. i know that satan grabs hold of all my fears and shoves them in my face so i can dwell on them and i hate him for it. but i have to do what i need to do to place them behind me because God wants me to trust in him to provide for me everything i need. i'm trying to do just that, but i am only human, which means i'm prone to sin, which sucks a whole lot!