As I've mentioned before, I've been in a funk. It's not been pretty.
This weekend I went and hung out with my mom. It was one of those trips where I felt like I needed to remember who I was. Where I came from. Why I am who I am. Where my roots are. Where I belong. That I’m loved.
I needed to be reminded that life isn’t quite as difficult as I’ve been making it out to be.
And who better to do that than my mom! My mom and I have a very good relationship. It’s not always been that way, but for the last six or seven years, she’s been one of my closest friends. I know there are a lot of people who can’t call their mom a friend. And for that, I will count my blessings. I definitely went through the bratty teenager period where my mom embarrassed me and left me mortified beyond belief just by volunteering to go on a school field trip. But those years are long behind us. I now realize that I should have thought it was cool that all my friends loved my mom growing up and everyone always wanted to ride with her instead of other moms. But at the time, I thought it was ridiculous…because mom’s aren’t cool.
So, I went to visit the one person who knows me better than anyone.
Saturday morning we went to pick up some coffee to start off our day. Does she know me, or what? She had planned for us to get shoulder massages at her salon. Seriously, what better way is there to start your day other than coffee and massages?
From there, we went shopping. Then, we moved on to a short road trip north to hit the casino. I think it’s the first time I’ve actually lost money, but it was still super fun (I should have known considering I haven’t been having the greatest luck lately). Luckily, mom came out ahead. We headed back home to have dinner with my youngest brother.
Then, we headed to a concert in the park for The Guess Who and Grand Funk Railroad. Now, I am very aware that most people my age do not know who either of these bands are. But, I grew up listening to the oldies. We’d put on old records and dance around the living room. We’d put on old records and clean the house. We’d put on old records and cook dinner (I think you get the point). So, attending this concert in the park was something that just seemed natural. I may have been one of ten people under the age of 40, but still. My mom had a good time…and so did I.
I had a great time just hanging out, talking, laughing, and being around my mom. When I left, my heart felt lighter, I had more freckles, I owned some new clothes, I had less stress, and I had a cute pedicure.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
29
When I was a kid, one of my favorite activities in the whole world was playing house. Part of the appeal was pretending to be whoever you wanted to be. You could create your name, age, occupation, how many kids you had, who you were married to. Most often my name was Stephanie, I was married to Joey McIntyre, and had two kids (my two favorite Cabbage Patch Kids - Edrick and Angela). I can’t tell you how often this scenario was replayed, but I’m sure it was more than you care to know. I was a grown up, doing grown up things. Driving, grocery shopping, using a credit card, writing checks, wearing high heels. I loved every minute of it.
Now that I am a grown up, it doesn’t seem quite so fun. My legal name was never changed, I still go by Amy. I’m not married to the youngest member of New Kids on the Block. Driving was fun for a while (especially when I was 16!), but now that I’ve been doing it for so long, it’s merely a way of transportation (except on that perfect day with the windows rolled down, scream singing to the radio). Grocery shopping is not nearly as fun, especially when you’re spending REAL money. And shopping just so you can prepare a meal and eat alone is even more depressing (Where is Joey?). I found out in college that using a credit card definitely has its consequences and that free tee shirt is definitely not worth risking your credit score. Writing checks out of an account you don’t have much money in has never fallen into my fun category. However, wearing high heels is still pretty fun. Especially when you’re only 5’4”.
All this to say, growing up hasn’t quite been the whirlwind of fun and adventure I thought it would be. Yes, there are moments when I’m perfectly content. Yes, I’ve accomplished a lot in my 29 years of life. I just feel like there’s more out there. More to be discovered. More adventure to be had. And I’m ready. Because next year, I’ll be 30. And I can’t remember EVER pretending to be 30.
Who knows. Maybe this will be the year that I meet my Joey McIntyre.
Now that I am a grown up, it doesn’t seem quite so fun. My legal name was never changed, I still go by Amy. I’m not married to the youngest member of New Kids on the Block. Driving was fun for a while (especially when I was 16!), but now that I’ve been doing it for so long, it’s merely a way of transportation (except on that perfect day with the windows rolled down, scream singing to the radio). Grocery shopping is not nearly as fun, especially when you’re spending REAL money. And shopping just so you can prepare a meal and eat alone is even more depressing (Where is Joey?). I found out in college that using a credit card definitely has its consequences and that free tee shirt is definitely not worth risking your credit score. Writing checks out of an account you don’t have much money in has never fallen into my fun category. However, wearing high heels is still pretty fun. Especially when you’re only 5’4”.
All this to say, growing up hasn’t quite been the whirlwind of fun and adventure I thought it would be. Yes, there are moments when I’m perfectly content. Yes, I’ve accomplished a lot in my 29 years of life. I just feel like there’s more out there. More to be discovered. More adventure to be had. And I’m ready. Because next year, I’ll be 30. And I can’t remember EVER pretending to be 30.
Who knows. Maybe this will be the year that I meet my Joey McIntyre.
Happy 29th Year
When I was a kid, one of my favorite activities in the whole world was playing house. Part of the appeal was pretending to be whoever you wanted to be. You could create your name, age, occupation, how many kids you had, who you were married to. Most often my name was Stephanie, I was married to Joey McIntyre, and had two kids (my two favorite Cabbage Patch Kids - Edrick and Angela). I can’t tell you how often this scenario was replayed, but I’m sure it was more than you care to know. In that world, I was a grown up, doing grown up things. Driving, grocery shopping, using a credit card, writing checks, wearing high heels. I loved every minute of it.
Now that I am a grown up, it doesn’t seem quite so fun. My legal name is still Amy. I’m not married to the youngest member of New Kids on the Block. Driving was fun for a while (especially when I was 16!), but now that I’ve been doing it for so long, it’s merely a means of transportation (except on that perfect day with the windows rolled down, scream singing to the radio). Grocery shopping is not nearly as fun, especially when you’re spending REAL money. And shopping just so you can prepare a meal and eat alone is even more depressing (Where is Joey?!?). I found out in college that using a credit card definitely has its consequences and that the free tee shirt is definitely not worth risking your credit score. Writing checks out of an account that doesn't contain much money and spending the next few days wondering how much money you don't have has never fallen into my fun category. However, wearing high heels is still pretty fun. Especially when you’re only 5’4”.
All this to say, growing up hasn’t quite been the whirlwind of fun and adventure I thought it would be. Yes, there are moments when I’m perfectly content. Yes, I’ve accomplished a lot in my 29 years of life. Yes, I have amazing family and friends in my life. Yes, I own a home. I just feel like there’s more out there. More to be discovered. More adventure to be had. And I’m ready. Because next year, I’ll be 30. And I can’t remember EVER pretending to be 30.
So this year, I want to stop living in the future and focus on embracing the moments that are thrown my way.
Who knows. Maybe this will be the year that I meet my Joey McIntyre.
Now that I am a grown up, it doesn’t seem quite so fun. My legal name is still Amy. I’m not married to the youngest member of New Kids on the Block. Driving was fun for a while (especially when I was 16!), but now that I’ve been doing it for so long, it’s merely a means of transportation (except on that perfect day with the windows rolled down, scream singing to the radio). Grocery shopping is not nearly as fun, especially when you’re spending REAL money. And shopping just so you can prepare a meal and eat alone is even more depressing (Where is Joey?!?). I found out in college that using a credit card definitely has its consequences and that the free tee shirt is definitely not worth risking your credit score. Writing checks out of an account that doesn't contain much money and spending the next few days wondering how much money you don't have has never fallen into my fun category. However, wearing high heels is still pretty fun. Especially when you’re only 5’4”.
All this to say, growing up hasn’t quite been the whirlwind of fun and adventure I thought it would be. Yes, there are moments when I’m perfectly content. Yes, I’ve accomplished a lot in my 29 years of life. Yes, I have amazing family and friends in my life. Yes, I own a home. I just feel like there’s more out there. More to be discovered. More adventure to be had. And I’m ready. Because next year, I’ll be 30. And I can’t remember EVER pretending to be 30.
So this year, I want to stop living in the future and focus on embracing the moments that are thrown my way.
Who knows. Maybe this will be the year that I meet my Joey McIntyre.
Friday, June 11, 2010
View From the Top
I’ve had a rough couple months. And when I say “rough” I mean the “crawl into bed and never get out” kind of rough.
I’m by no means the kind of girl that everything falls into my lap. But it seems as of late, it seems like every turn I take I’m getting punched in the face, or the gut, or any other place that it would hurt to get punched. I believe most of us refer to these times as valleys.
Valley: In geology, a valley is a depression with predominant extent in one direction.
Depressing, huh?
And as depressing as it is, I feel like it’s where I’ve been the last couple months and it couldn’t be more descriptive.
I’ve been stressed out and stretched physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I’m exhausted.
So I ask you this. When you find yourself in the valley with the steep walls and narrow bottoms trying to take over your every breath, where is it that you turn? I know the Sunday school answers. But honestly, where is it that you turn? As easy as the question should be to answer, if I’m 100% honest with myself, my answer is not the same answer I would have provided as a vacation bible school as a 10 year old. Sadly, my answer would include friends, family, tv, movies, eating, working, pretty much anything to occupy my time. Anything that I could use to avoid facing the truth.
I’ve heard the expression “You must go through the valleys before you can stand on the mountain.” It just seems I’ve found myself halfway across the world on a pretty ridiculous hike when I was only planning on going outside to check the mail in my flip flops. But I’m really ready to see that view from the top.
I’m by no means the kind of girl that everything falls into my lap. But it seems as of late, it seems like every turn I take I’m getting punched in the face, or the gut, or any other place that it would hurt to get punched. I believe most of us refer to these times as valleys.
Valley: In geology, a valley is a depression with predominant extent in one direction.
Depressing, huh?
And as depressing as it is, I feel like it’s where I’ve been the last couple months and it couldn’t be more descriptive.
I’ve been stressed out and stretched physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I’m exhausted.
So I ask you this. When you find yourself in the valley with the steep walls and narrow bottoms trying to take over your every breath, where is it that you turn? I know the Sunday school answers. But honestly, where is it that you turn? As easy as the question should be to answer, if I’m 100% honest with myself, my answer is not the same answer I would have provided as a vacation bible school as a 10 year old. Sadly, my answer would include friends, family, tv, movies, eating, working, pretty much anything to occupy my time. Anything that I could use to avoid facing the truth.
I’ve heard the expression “You must go through the valleys before you can stand on the mountain.” It just seems I’ve found myself halfway across the world on a pretty ridiculous hike when I was only planning on going outside to check the mail in my flip flops. But I’m really ready to see that view from the top.
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