Just call me "Pink," cause I'm Mizundastood

I feel like I'm living in this weird "in-between" and "what if" world. No one really knows anything...and it's weird how fast, but slow everything is happening.

I seriously have no idea what I'd do if my uncle wasn't around to help make decisions and talk to people. It's really taking a toll on me being so far away.

I feel like I've been incredibly misunderstood lately. It's not that I'm in a bad mood, or that I'm mad. I guess I've just had a tendency to get really frustrated lately. I know that I can't expect people to read my mind, but there's not many people I care to discuss it with.

On another note, Jaclyn gets home soon and I'm super excited to see her.

Finally...a break!

Sometimes we just need a break away from every normal thing we know. I've been so exhausted lately. I've been waking up late, getting to work late, and being frustrated with myself because of it all. I've been in need of a break in a major way, but I'm using all of my PTO to go home to visit my dad every weekend.

Today, I got a treat! I left work at 2pm after feeling like crap all weekend. I called Sarah on my way home to see if she was up for going to the pool. Luckily, she was home and game for the pool. So we laid out and went swimming. It was amazing! I've been wanting to hang out at the pool for over a month now! Then, Mark joined us and we went to Buca de Beppo for dinner...all before 5:30. I came home, watched tv, played online...and I'm going to bed and it's only 9:20!!!

I love today! It was very worry-free...which is defintiely what I needed!

Hospice?

Today, Dad is saying that he wants to do Hospice. Dennis, my uncle, is meeting with the social worker tomorrow to discuss options. I'm feeling a lot of responsibility on my shoulders and I have no idea what to do. I'm so stressed out.

I know about God's perfect timing and all of that, but it's hard to accept.

Okay, I'll admit that I'm a 12 year old girl...

Okay, not really...but I will admit that I absolutely love High School Musical. It's okay, but don't judge til after you've watched it.

I Want to Break Free

Dad is still not doing well. I'm not real sure how his spirits are, but I'm guessing not good. I'm kind of at loss for what to say or do. I want to show him how much I care, but I have no idea how to do that through words. Nothing really seems enough right now. I'm just trying to do my best. I feel like I'm in a trance...going from one day to the next.

I want a break so bad. And that makes me feel so selfish. I just want a break from acting like everything is okay. I'm just tired of listening to everyone else's problems (especially the petty ones).

"We're adults. When did that happen...and how do we make it stop?"

"Remember when you were a kid and your biggest worry was, like, if you'd get a bike for your birthday or if you'd get to eat cookies for breakfast? Being an adult is totally overrated. I mean, seriously...adulthood is responsibility" -Meredith Grey (Grey's Anatomy)

So, I was just watching an episode of Grey's Anatomy from season 1. The above quote rings pretty true. Most of the time I don't feel old enough to have all the responsibility I have...and most of it, I've had for quite some time. It was so much easier to be a kid. All you had to worry about was what time to come in for dinner. Life was playing...having fun. Having a bad day was when your mom cooked something gross for dinner. In my case, it usually had to do with peas.
It'd be great if one day, we could just act like kids. Just to have one day where you don't have to worry about money, sickness, or paying bills, or work, or family problems, or anything else that is constantly on our mind through the course of the day. I want to turn off my cell phone, avoid checking my email, stop checking myspace...and I want to remember how simple life can be. I don't think life was meant to be as hard as we sometimes make it out to be. I just need a reminder of how easy it can be.

I want to play old school Nintendo.

I want to catch lightning bugs.

I want to ride a bike with a friend.

I want to dress up and put on makeup.

I want to eat ice cream for breakfast.

I want to go to a park and feed the ducks and swing on a swingset.

I want to finger paint.

I want to play with sidwalk chalk.

I want to make a masterpiece out of playdoh.

I want to play in a sandbox.

Slowly, I'm going to start checking things off my list. But I might need some play dates to accomplish them all anytime soon. Any takers?