so it's been a while since i've sat down and actually had time to write a little. actually, i don't even really have time now. i mean guys, i've been a little busy...i am working camp. haha.
this past week we celebrated christmas. it was a ton of fun! here's what i got for my big gift...
how fun is that?
things are great. this is our last week of camp. campers just arrived and it's time to go to opening celebration. so i must go. just wanted to let you know that i'm alive and well...
much love!
Monday, July 25, 2005
Thursday, July 14, 2005
a little truth never hurt anyone
i haven't had a lot of time to sit down and write this summer. our schedule has been so much busier than camp has ever been before because of the combination of the two camps. it's been an amazing adventure so far. one i'd love to be able to share in more detail. i have plenty of stories i'd love to just sit down and type out, but there's not much time to do that.
i know that camp is such a hard place to be sometimes. it's hard to stay in touch with friends and family. and there've been many times this summer where i feel like i've been a horrible friend to people i love so much. but it's so hard to carve out time to make phone calls and be intentional with people who are so far away, much less still carve out any time for myself over the past few weeks. camp is a hard place to be so truthful and blunt about stuff...and even when you want to, it seems like there's not a lot of time or leniency for it. you want to be so transparent, but yet you're worried about how your group percieves you. i don't want to be fake, i want to be real, especially when dealing with things in my own life. so right now i'm about to be really transparent because sometimes when i write, it's a lot easier to make sense of it all. i've been struggling with it for a few weeks now, but the last few days it's hit me hard.
i made the decision to stay here after hurricane dennis messed up our plans to spend the week in pensacola. i figured something else would come up, so i didn't worry too much about it. being sick and having a sinus infection and bronchitis didn't make me feel like making plans anyway. plus, in all honesty, sometimes it's just great to be alone. but when i'm alone, i usually start to freak out about stuff and overanalyze everything. "what am i going to be doing in three weeks...where will i be living...am i going to have to live at home forever...can i do this again...i've been waiting forever for God to let me know the next step in my life...how long do i have to wait?" in the time i've been alone wondering and worrying about these things, i just question. part of me desires to just sit alone with God for hours contemplating his will for my life...but i never do. it's like i push it away and try to wrestle with it in the back of my head and ignore it to the best of my ability. i know that i can't do it alone...i know that full well. but there's something holding me back and i have absolutely no idea what it is. sometimes i feel so apathetic and it kills me because that's what i get so frustrated about with some of the kids in my bible study. i want them to get it and understand how huge and amazing God's love for us is...but yet sometimes it seems so unfathomable to me that i end up just like them. it's not that i don't believe he'll use me or work through me because i know that i've grown a lot this summer. he continues to show me that on a daily basis. but i desire so much more, but yet i don't do anything about it. i just have absolutely no spiritual discipline this summer and it's really bothering me.
i guess i'm just asking for prayer because i need it. i know that God is working through me and using me...it's not a question of that at all. but more along the lines of..."if i really let him use me for everything i'm worth and i fully trusted him with every fiber of my being, what would my life look like then?" i guess it's just a lack of faith. i know that he's got some great amazing plan for my life...but it seems like i've been waiting for so long that sometimes it's really hard to even remember that. so if you could just pray for me specifically over the next couple weeks, that would be amazing.
i know that camp is such a hard place to be sometimes. it's hard to stay in touch with friends and family. and there've been many times this summer where i feel like i've been a horrible friend to people i love so much. but it's so hard to carve out time to make phone calls and be intentional with people who are so far away, much less still carve out any time for myself over the past few weeks. camp is a hard place to be so truthful and blunt about stuff...and even when you want to, it seems like there's not a lot of time or leniency for it. you want to be so transparent, but yet you're worried about how your group percieves you. i don't want to be fake, i want to be real, especially when dealing with things in my own life. so right now i'm about to be really transparent because sometimes when i write, it's a lot easier to make sense of it all. i've been struggling with it for a few weeks now, but the last few days it's hit me hard.
i made the decision to stay here after hurricane dennis messed up our plans to spend the week in pensacola. i figured something else would come up, so i didn't worry too much about it. being sick and having a sinus infection and bronchitis didn't make me feel like making plans anyway. plus, in all honesty, sometimes it's just great to be alone. but when i'm alone, i usually start to freak out about stuff and overanalyze everything. "what am i going to be doing in three weeks...where will i be living...am i going to have to live at home forever...can i do this again...i've been waiting forever for God to let me know the next step in my life...how long do i have to wait?" in the time i've been alone wondering and worrying about these things, i just question. part of me desires to just sit alone with God for hours contemplating his will for my life...but i never do. it's like i push it away and try to wrestle with it in the back of my head and ignore it to the best of my ability. i know that i can't do it alone...i know that full well. but there's something holding me back and i have absolutely no idea what it is. sometimes i feel so apathetic and it kills me because that's what i get so frustrated about with some of the kids in my bible study. i want them to get it and understand how huge and amazing God's love for us is...but yet sometimes it seems so unfathomable to me that i end up just like them. it's not that i don't believe he'll use me or work through me because i know that i've grown a lot this summer. he continues to show me that on a daily basis. but i desire so much more, but yet i don't do anything about it. i just have absolutely no spiritual discipline this summer and it's really bothering me.
i guess i'm just asking for prayer because i need it. i know that God is working through me and using me...it's not a question of that at all. but more along the lines of..."if i really let him use me for everything i'm worth and i fully trusted him with every fiber of my being, what would my life look like then?" i guess it's just a lack of faith. i know that he's got some great amazing plan for my life...but it seems like i've been waiting for so long that sometimes it's really hard to even remember that. so if you could just pray for me specifically over the next couple weeks, that would be amazing.
clinton super sucks!
i've decided that mississippi is not the place for me. i'm not a big fan of the state at all. i've been trapped here for too long. yeah, it's my own fault and i could have left at any point during the break...but seriously, where would i have gone. the closest person i know is like 5 hours away. blah. so anyway...i'm getting out of here tomorrow, or at least that's the plan. we might head toward meridian and hit up a water park...i might get to see a friend. who knows. it's all an adventure, but at this point i need to get the heck out of dodge.
Saturday, July 09, 2005
put a little circus in your life
okay, so the last few days have been a little crazy. our team has a week off without camp, so everyone has gone in different directions for the week. it's pretty crazy. it's so weird walking down the hallway and not having 33 other people around. i think right now there are 6 or 7 of us here. overall it's been pretty quiet around here.
so this afternoon we heard that barnum and bailey/ringling brothers circus was in town in jackson. so we hit it up tonight. i'm pretty sure that great fun was had by all. i was a little disappointed that there were no tigers...but the cute elephants made up for it. here's some pictures for all of you who are jealous of my great adventure.
maybe since there are no great plans for the week, i'll have time to update a little and throw out some reflections from the summer thus far.
so this afternoon we heard that barnum and bailey/ringling brothers circus was in town in jackson. so we hit it up tonight. i'm pretty sure that great fun was had by all. i was a little disappointed that there were no tigers...but the cute elephants made up for it. here's some pictures for all of you who are jealous of my great adventure.
maybe since there are no great plans for the week, i'll have time to update a little and throw out some reflections from the summer thus far.
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
almost time for some R&R
okay, so the inevitable happened. i got sick. i was trying so hard to stay healthy and fight the good fight...but that was not the case. my allergies took a turn for the worst the day before yesterday. i could tell it was the beginning of a sinus infection. but sometimes, i can get rid of it with medication before it gets bad. yesterday, i felt like crap all day long. then this morning i was even worse. i could feel the bronchitis in my chest. so i made the executive decision to go to the doctor once i got back from site. so at 4pm i went to the health clinic here on campus...and there was no surprise to the diagnosis they gave...sinus infection and bronchitis. yuck. once again i have the horrible sickness that haunts me multiple times a year. i had to hop on the train with the rest of the staff...and i got the shot in the butt. fun times. i am starting to feel a lot better. except for the fact that i missed worship tonight to rest and right now i'm missing mega relay. at least we're team teaching and adrienne can handle our group. more updates to come that make more sense later on. it's almost time for our week off...one more day...then i'll get some R&R!
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